Thursday, December 29, 2005

Morning Arena Rock Thoughts, 12/29/2005

1) I wonder if Vixen’s roadies would scan the crowd looking for hot guys and then give them backstage passes so that Vixen’s members could have their way with those guys.

I realized this morning that I definitely thought that some of Vixen’s songs were sung by Heart. Hmm.

2) Despite my extreme, shall we say, distaste, for all things German, I have to say that The Scorpions rock! I've never heard a Scorpions song I didn't like (that MAY be because most of them sound the same, but hey, when you find something that works, stick with it), and even their cheesy ode to democracy and the falling of the Berlin Wall, "Winds of Change" still holds up as a legitimate rock ballad. And anyone who tells the listener to "hear what my guitar has to say" is alright with me!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Morning Arena Rock Thoughts

My Time Warner digital cable has something like 20-30 Music Choice channels, that each play a different genre of music non-stop (not videos, just songs). The best one, BY FAR, is the Arena Rock channel, that plays 80's metal (essentially hair metal). One of my favorite morning routines is putting on the Arena Rock channel while I get ready for work and rocking out while my son gets an education in good music.

So a new feature of this blog will be my Arena Rock Thoughts of the Morning (it will probably not be everyday). So, without further adieu...

1) "Swingin on the front porch, swingin on the lawn. Swingin where we want cuz there ain’t nobody home. Swingin to the left and swingin to the right. Think about baseball and swingin all night."

"I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater"

Listening to Warrant’s Cherry Pie this morning made me think "Why can’t bands today write music with the same kind of subtlety? Where are the thinly veiled sexual references and videos of chicks being hosed down while wedges of pie subtly highlight what the band is singing about? And did we REALLY stop listening to stuff like this because some record industry idiot convinced everyone that we should be listening to Pearl Jam and Nirvana? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Kurt Cobain wrote two good songs (actually, I really only think he wrote one good one, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt), but he was promoted as this songwriting genius, which I never thought he was. And then this effin guy goes and kills himself, which was way lame. Most of the hair metal guys almost killed themselves too, but they did it by either doing so many drugs and drinking so much that their hearts literally stopped (see Nikki Sixx) or by getting coked up and driving their expensive sports cars at dangerously high speed and crashing into something (see everyone else). Why can’t they make music like this anymore?

2) "If Looks Could Kill" by Heart

I remember sitting in my friend Dean’s room in 5th or 6th grade and listening to this song. Before we would start the song each time, we would dedicate it to a different ugly girl in our class. Boy, we really didn’t get the meaning of the song.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Father-Son Bonding

My son and I had a true bonding moment this morning.

I have a routine that I follow on most mornings, if not every morning. I wake up and shower while my baby-mama feeds our son. Then, she’ll often get back into bed after I get out of the shower to sleep a little bit more while I watch him. Part of the routine involves my morning cup of coffee, which invariably leads to a "pre-trial conference" (if you know what I mean). And since I like to try and sit down at home before I go to work (please see the previous post), I often have to bring my son in to the bathroom with me, because if I don’t he’ll just cry and scream, which would wake up the wife and drive both of us crazy.

Now, just to back up a moment. My son has a little rocker-chair which we put him in a lot. We also refer to it as his toilet because it seems like every time he poops, he’s in the chair. When we want him to go, we put him in the chair.

So anyway, this morning, I put him on his toilet and brought him in to the bathroom with me, which I don’t really like doing, but he really doesn’t seem to mind it. So, I sit down and just as I start to poop, do did he! We pooped at the same time, and he had this great little smile on his face while he did it! I was like, "Whoa, this is major." It was far cooler than crossing streams.

Like me, I think my son appreciates a really good poop.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Pooping At Work

OK, so as I was walking to work the other day, I thought to myself, "You know what? I’m kind of proud of myself because I’ve finally embraced pooping at work."

Now don’t get me wrong, I try to avoid pooping at work like the plague, but I’ve come to accept that sometimes I just can’t hold it in all day and I feel a lot better when I can go.

So there I was, ready to poop. I had to go really bad. So I go into my usual stall (there are two stalls, and one is the handicapped accessible one, which is just way too spacious for a semi-public pooping) and get the toilet-seat all set up with my semi-OCD toilet paper seat covering. Just as I sit down, someone comes in and sits in the next stall!

I hold my breath for a second because I figure maybe he’s just getting some toilet paper to blow his nose, or maybe he’s just pissing. But no, the miscreant sits down and starts to poop. There was no way I could relax enough to go.

To me, that is a far worse breach of bathroom etiquette than standing at a urinal next to someone and looking at them while you’re both peeing. This guy (who shall go nameless, though I suspect I knew who it was) totally violated the rules. At least he finished up before me and left so that way I could poop in peace and relative privacy.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Farpastyle essentials

Ok, for all you newbies who might want to kick it Farpastyle, here are a few things you'll need...

1) Pumas. These are essential. You absoluely CANNOT kick it Farpastyle without a pair of Pumas (preferably blue suede with the white Puma, but in a pinch, black will do as long as it's the old school Pumas, not the fruity new ones).

2) See item #1.

3) Scotch. That's the drink of choice, though it can be substituted with your favorite drink as long as it helps you get loud and argue.

Welcome to my blog!

With the exception of three people (all of whom I can name), most of you do not know what "Farpastyle" is, which is probably a good thing.

It's a way of life. The entire purpose of this blog is to entertain and amuse (mostly myself, but if anyone else enjoys it, that's a bonus).

Remember, if you're gonna do it, do it Farpastyle!