An Actual Conversation...

Here is an actual conversation I had today at work:

"Old Lady: BMMan, do you know how Young Lady did on her little test?

Me: Have you asked Young Lady?

Old Lady: Yes, and she wouldn't tell us.

Me: Hmm, interesting.

Old Lady: I know she did well the first time, but she wouldn't tell us how she did this time.

Me: You know, you should really talk to her. I don't feel comfortable saying anything if she didn't tell you because it's her news to share."

Young Lady never told me how she did, but I knew it would drive Old Lady crazy. Ha ha ha ha ha. BWA ha ha ha.

17 Days Until Pitchers and Catchers Report to Spring Training

Yankees spring training begins in 17 days. Sweet.

Now, I know that most of the people who comment on here are not Yankees fans. BubbaRay and DanTobin are both Red Sox fans (I don't hold it against them. By the way guys, how WAS Brokeback Mountain: The Inside Story of the 2004 Red Sox?), and Boski is a White Sox fan (I actually have nothing against that at all, as long as Boski's not an avid Yankees-hater).

Hockey used to be my favorite sport, and in some ways it probably still is (I can sit down and watch any hockey game at any level, but there's no way I'd sit down and watch the Brewers play the Diamondbacks), but the only sports season I really follow anymore with any sort of enthusiasm is the Yankees' season, and I don't think it has anything to do with my season on the inside in 1998. It's just the most interesting.

Indoor lacrosse

So last weekend I'm playing pick-up indoor lacrosse. I'm guarding this guy who's wearing a Syracuse helmet, even though I'm pretty sure he did NOT go to Cuse. For those of you who don't know anything about lacrosse, Syracuse is one of the top lacrosse teams every year.

(Disclaimer: I'm generally the worst player on the field when I play indoor lacrosse, though there's one guy who plays in the pick-up games with less experience and/or skill than me).

So back to the story. I'm guarding this guy with the Syracuse helmet, who I'm pretty sure didn't go there. I don't know how I know, I can just tell. So I say to him, "Wow, did you play at Syracuse?" And he goes, "No." To which I reply, "Hmm. That's sort of silly then, isn't it."

He didn't say anything, but I could tell he felt stupid.

So later on in the game, this other guy, who's clearly one of the more talented players there, is guarding me, and he's laying off because he could probably tell that I'm not too skilled and he could probably tell that there was no way I was going to blow by him. So I get the ball and I wind up and fire a shot low, and I score a goal on a beautiful shot to the far low corner. I promptly stuck my stick between my legs and started to ride it like a horse, pretending to whip it, right past our bench. The guy who was guarding me gives me a really sour look, like next chance he got he was going to flatten me (sidenote: this is a no body checking game, so while there's stick checking and some incidental contact, you're not allowed to actually body check anyone).

So I look at him and say, "That was one of the first lax goals I've ever scored." His whole expression changed and he was like, "Oh. Nice shot."

Top Thirty Facts about... Jack Bauer

I got this in an e-mail forward from BubbaRay, and it was too funny not to post. Kudos to whomever wrote this...

Top Thirty Facts about... Jack Bauer

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer let the dogs out.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ####### hates lemonade.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

When you open a can of whoop-###, Jack Bauer jumps out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better ####### do it.

The real reason the Army ditched the Army of One campaign? Jack Bauer sued for copyright infringement.

24, Hour 5 (11 a.m.-12 p.m.)

The Top 3 lines from last night's episode:

3. Spenser: "I don't care if you ARE my boss, or if you regret sleeping with me last night. No one talks to me that way.

(Dim) Chloe: Really? I just did."

2. (Dim) Chloe to (Wussy) Edgar: "Ok, when we find the nerve gas and the alert level drops, we can have some chamomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets, okay? "

And the #1 line from last night's episode...

Mikey from the Goonies (aka, Rudy, or Sam, or whatever the hell his name was in Encino Man): "Without hard evidence, CTU can't touch him.

Jack Bauer: I'm not CTU. I'll go get Walt Cummings."

24 Premiere

Awesome.

The best line from last night's 24- Jack Bauer to annoying kid: "The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you!"

Tribute

When I woke up this morning, as I was getting ready for work, I thought about what I could do to honor Dr. King today, and how I could celebrate this day.

So on my way to work, I listened to the local R & B/Hip-hop station and I let a black guy cut in front of me at a traffic light. I might watch a show on UPN tonight too.

Up City!

So, I found myself awake at 7:30 this morning, just in time to watch The Manchester Derby (pronounced "darby") between City and the wankers from United.

It was a glorious match, with City taking a 2-nil lead into the half. Ronaldo, one of the wankers, was red-carded for a high challenge and United was forced to play a man down. However, they scored to make it 2-1. But City added another goal in injury time to win 3-1!

UP CITY!!!!!!!

Up or Down?

Here’s something that’s bugged me for a long time...

Why do we (we being men) have to put the seat down when we’re done peeing? Why don’t women have to put the seat up when they’re done? Huh? I’ve never gotten a satisfactory answer to that.

The closest I’ve ever come to getting a good answer to this age-old question is "Well, if we have to go really badly and sit down without looking, and the seat is up, we’ll fall in or hurt ourselves!"

First off, where were the women who sat down without looking back when I was playing with a whoopie cushion? In fact, show me those women NOW and I’ll go out and buy a whoopie cushion.

Second, if you’re that stupid that you sit down without looking, I think you deserve to fall into the toilet.