"Theyah mysogenatin, and they ain't even old timey!"

-The above quote is one of my favorites from "O Brother Where Art thou," which brings me to my first thought...

I don't like rap music and/or hip-hop. Never have, and I probably never will. That said, my sister-in-law gave us a mix she made and on it were two songs which reinforced my theory that I WOULD like rap/hip-hop if it actually had any music accompanying it. There was one of thos mix songs of "Man of Constant Sorrow" mixed with "Hollaback Girl" (I know, not exactly rap or hip-hop), and it actually sounds pretty good. But what impressed me even more, was how much I liked Nelly's "Country Grammar" when it was dubbed over "Sweet Home Alabama."

-I dug out my copy of Reel Big Fish's "Why Do They Rock So Hard" yesterday and played it while I was feeding BMMan Jr. That's a great album.

-Ok, I know that I may be alienating all of the people who read this and post on here (mainly because I can name most of you), but this really bugs me...

Hollywood liberals.

I'm a democrat. I voted for Clinton twice, Gore (I mean, how could you not vote for him, he invented the internet), and finally Kerry. I generally fall on the democrat side of most issues. That said, the ultra liberals in Hollywood (just as the ultra conservatives do) make me sick. It's one thing when someone intelligent speaks about their liberal views. I may not agree, but I realize that there is some intelligence and thought behind what they're saying. BUt actors and musicians should just shut-up. This is why I don't like it when actors and musicians end up getting political, because ultimately, I disagree with what they're saying and end up not likeing them anymore. Here are two classic examples, with the most recent and, to me, offensive:

GREEN DAY: I was never the biggest Green Day fan, but I always liked some of their stuff. However, they have alienated me forever with their idiotic (appropriately) American Idiot. If you want to be against the war, that's your prerogative (As Bobby Brown sang, "You can do what you want to do."). But then they have "Holiday" in which they compare Bush to Hitler. I find this insanely inappropriate and pretty offensive to boot. I don't like Bush and I think he's an idiot, but there is a galaxy of difference between Bush and Hitler and to even compare Bush to Hitler is just flat out wrong. Hey Green Day, if you think Bush is really like that, maybe you should leave the country and go live somewhere that'll be more accepting of you and your views. A-holes.

Tim Robbins and Suan Sarandon: Not offensive, just flat-out stupid. I saw an interview with them a few summers ago after the Baseball Hall of Fame uninvited them from a celebration they were having for the 15th Anniversary of the release of "Bull Durham." They were uninvited because of their stance on the war in Iraq. Robbins started spouting off about how the Hall of Fame was violating their Fourth Amendment rights. Oh really Tim? What did they illegally search and seize from you? Oh, wait, you meant the FIRST Amendment? My bad. Oh, that's right, they're a private organization, which means they can do whatever the hell they want. Before you get up on a soapbox and start spouting off your nonsense, try having an idea what you're talking about.

Accident...

So on my way home from work on Thursday evening, I got into an accident. This stupid woman who was driving in the opposite direction, tried to make a left hand turn across the two lanes of traffic and drove head on into me. Luckily, she wasn't going too fast and I, going about 30 mph, was able to slam on the brakes. That said, my car is probably what the insurance company will consider "a total loss" because both of my airbags deployed and the transmission is probably what they call "all f---ed up" (don't feel bad if you've never heard that before, it's an industry term). This totally sucks because I'll get fair market value from the insurance company for my car, but that's probably nowhere near what I'll need to buy a new car, and nowhere near what it's ACTUAL value was to me (i.e., running and working).

Anyway, the biggest indignity of the whole thing came afterwards while I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for the cops to show up. So of course, this happens on the coldest day of the year, and my nose was running a little bit. This guy came out of a nearby deli, and upon seeing my car on the sidewalk and me standing right there goes, "Oh my g-d, are you okay? Did you hit your nose?"

Amd I was like, "No, why, is it bleeding?" (I hadn't seen my reflection yet and felt my nose running, so I though maybe I had hit my nose on the airbag even though I didn't think I had).

"No, but it looks a little swollen."

To which I answered, dejectedly, "No, that's just my nose."

That story is probably a little funnier if you know me and know what my awful, four-times broken and crooked nose looks like.

An Actual Conversation...

So, I'm in the bathroom at work, and I was just finishing washing my hands when my boss walks in with a huge stack of bound handouts under his arm.

Me: That's quite a lot of bathroom reading material.

Boss: Oh, I'm just on my way upstairs with this.

Me: (Uncomfortable chuckle).

My Son Laughs Like Beavis

That's it, that's the post.

My son laughs like Beavis. I would say he laughs like Butthead, but his voice isn't low enough yet. So when he laughs like that, I do the Butthead laugh and together we sound like Beavis and Butthead.

I figure it's never too early to start teaching him the important things.

The Animal Kingdom

I'm sure this conversation plays itself out in almost every relationship in America (at the appropriate moment, of course):

"Hey, let's do it doggy-style!"

Do you think dogs ever say to each other, "Hey, I'm tired of doing it this way. Let's do it human-style tonight!"? Probably not.

All of this got me thinking in the shower this morning: considering that just about every animal in the animal kingdom essentially does it doggy-style (at least from what I've seen on Animal Planet and related shows), why is it called "doggy-style?"

The answer: Marketing.

The dogs are simply better at marketing themselves than all the other animals. Think about it. Alligators and lions could easily eat even the most ferocious dogs, but do we have pet lions and gators? Do we do it "Alligator-style" (well, I do, but that's another whole post in itself)? NO, and you know why? Marketing.

Just some random shower thoughts.

(Disclaimer: Since I plan on using this in a comedy routine if I ever do stand-up again, I don't want to hear of any of you stealing this and using it for commercial gain. By all means, feel free to crack your co-workers, friends, and loved ones up with my hilarity, but you better not make any money off of it. Oh yeah, and credit me when you get a laugh from it)